The warning signs of a Control Freak can be insidious and very subtle because you may not notice he has control issues at the beginning. The first few months of any new relationship usually goes through the ‘honeymoon’ phase and by the time it becomes obvious a partner has control issues you will probably be emotionally involved.
Warning Signs Include:
• Lots of gifts while appearing to be loving and caring. Your intuition might be warning you that something is not quite right regarding the speed of how things are progressing but he may appear to be different from the other Players you have encountered before.
• Is very attentive, phones, usually emails or texts constantly.
• Wants to move quickly and describes you as his ‘soul mate.’ Discusses getting engaged, moving in together or marriage.
• Displays jealousy at times which might stroke your Ego when he claims this is only due to his deep love for you.
• Claim’s to know what’s best for you
If you agree with a couple of these statements it’s likely you’re dating a man with controlling tendencies. During the dating stage or at the beginning of a relationship Mr. Control Freak usually idolizes his new partner wanting to be with her all the time which can be very flattering and appear to be quite normal at first. He may insist or even plead to spend more time with you and this strategy is designed to penetrate your personal space. We all enjoy receiving attention which makes us feel desired and important but his intense need of to be with you 24/7 could entice you into an abusive relationship. Control Freaks often have a pattern of putting their partner on a pedestal at first but inevitably she makes a ‘mistake’; his displeasure could be about something really trivial but this toxic type demands perfection and can be prone to attacking and belittling his partner for not being perfect in some way. Alternatively, he may begin to mention in a concerned manner all the things he thinks are ‘wrong’ with you causing you to question and doubt yourself. Mr. Control Freak could start to have obsessive concerns regarding your physical health, appearance, finances or your relationships with others but this ‘concern’ is just a covert ploy to begin the process of obtaining and maintaining control.
This personality type may also have very rigid ideas regarding sex and intimacy so can be very domineering as he attempts to totally control his partner. Control Freaks can be verbally abusive or physically violent if their excessive need for control is not satisfied. They can become very dangerous if they believe they’re beginning to lose control. Many women do not realize they’re dating an abuser until it is too late and by the time they recognize the problem it can be very difficult to escape. Mr. Control Freak will always cause serious problems in any relationship so always pay attention to any red flags and use your common sense. If you ever suspect you’re dating a man who wants to control you walk away and don’t look back! He will eventually move on to his next potential target once you make it clear he cannot manipulate you.
Nigel Beckles – Author